How to Tell the Difference Between Psychological & Emotional Abuse [With Examples]

Abuse is defined as the misuse or treatment of someone or something in a bad way or for a bad purpose.

While physical abuse has always had validation and credibility because of its violent nature and visual wounds, invisible abuse is just as valid. Emotional and psychological abuse leads to serious consequences such as fear, depression, physical ailments, anxiety, and even PTSD.

I can tell you in my narcissistic family system it was made clear that there was only one kind of abuse: physical. When I look back now, I can make the connection that this narrative was very likely intentional in order for the psychological and emotional abuse to thrive. If you’re dealing with an abusive person, they will many times indoctrinate you into thinking that their behavior is not abusive. This allows them to continue the toxic behaviors and cycles in order to control you and avoid accountability for their actions. But the definition of abuse confirms the reality that abuse can take many forms, and all forms of abuse are insidious and harmful.

The Difference Between Psychological and Emotional Abuse

So is there a difference between psychological and emotional abuse? Although there are distinctions in the psychology world which I will go into in greater detail, one way to look at this question is to consider the tactics used by an abuser. Psychologically abusive tactics are also classified as emotionally abusive and vice versa.

The distinguishing factor is that psychological abuse has a stronger effect on a victim’s mental capacity: how people think and how they make and communicate decisions. Emotional abuse affects how people feel.

Both forms of abuse can occur in any type of relationship. Both can lead to minor or major depressive symptoms, physical ailments such as migraines or digestive issues, anxiety and symptoms of PTSD. Psychological abuse tactics convince you into thinking you are the problem or you are crazy. Psychological abusers blame other people for their actions and don’t take responsibility for the chaos and turmoil they cause. Psychological abuse is rooted in power and control and abusers intentionally create chaos and frustration in a victim because they enjoy the negative reactions. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is one of the Cluster B personality disorders and individuals with clinical narcissism are perpetrators of psychological abuse. These abusers are in control of their actions and know when to turn their toxic behaviors on and off so as not to show other people. They tend to live normal to high-functioning lives and can manipulate people around them into meeting their needs, while selfishly not being concerned by the needs of others.

What Does Emotional Abuse Look Like?

Emotional abuse tactics can look like manipulating others’ feelings in order to gain control. Emotional abusers also cause chaos, but unlike psychological abusers, their need for control may come from an emotional wound in their past that was never acknowledged or healed leading to unhealthy coping skills and emotional dysregulation. Undiagnosed or untreated mental health conditions such as bipolar, schizophrenia, or major depressive disorders are completely different than personality disorders. Emotional abusers can be remorseful for their actions but with therapeutic work they can learn new, healthy coping skills.

Psychological and emotional abuse tactics appear in many forms:

• Bullying

• Shaming and Guilting

• Isolating a victim

• Using fear and scarcity of resources

• Degradation

• Name-calling

• Pattern of lying

• Gaslighting

• Coercive control

• Preying on needs for love and affection

• Accusing

• Dismissing, invalidating, and discounting feelings and beliefs

Or look at it another way and answer these questions for yourself. Does the abuser:

• Accuse you of being unfaithful without basis?

• Call you names?

• Ignore you?

• Not introduce you to people?

• Repeatedly show up late or not at all?

• Demand to know where you are every minute?

• Treat you as inferior?

• Purposefully embarrass you, oftentimes in front of others?

• Not allow you to make decisions?

• Rarely validate your opinions?

• Threaten you? Belittle your accomplishments, aspirations, or plans?

• Forbid you from talking to or seeing your friends, family, or coworkers?

• Act possessively jealous?

• Cheat on you and then blame you for his or her behavior?

• Tell you that you will never find anyone better?

• Repeatedly point out your mistakes?

• Attempt to control what you wear or how you spend money?

Be aware of the symptoms of psychological or emotional abuse including feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem; inability to trust; indecisiveness; apologizing too much; anxiety; depression; digestion issues; insomnia; chronic headaches; and suicidal thoughts or plans.

If you’re concerned about a toxic relationship and the symptoms you’re experiencing, the next right step is to tell someone. A trusted family member, friend, therapist, or coach. Getting the support you need will make all the difference in helping you understand your experience and take healthy steps toward getting you out of the toxic cycle of abuse.

Visit our contact page to reach out. One of our trained coaches at Spin Cycle Coaching will get back to you to schedule a no-commitment consultation to see how support can look like for you.